February Already

Can you believe tomorrow is February 1st?  It's amazing how fast time flies.  Today was another good day although it was so darn busy I feel like I didn't get as much done as I wanted too.  I woke up late too so my day kind of started icky oh and I received a visitor.  So cramps and getting up late was not the best way to start a day.

I ate horribly today too.  When the visitor comes it's inevitable that I will end up eating crap.  I usually crave sweets, specifically chocolate and I know it's a mental thing but it's I have to have it.  I had chocolate twice today.  But it was worth it cause it made me feel better.  Again, I know it's a mental thing and I know when I get on the scale tomorrow that I am going to regret the chocolate but it tasted so good.  It's sometimes about feeling good.

The straight library knocks the analogue.

First Day at Work Post Surgery

Considering I had a rough night last night today was a great day.  I was really busy but it wasn't stressful busy like most days.  I had tons of phone messages and emails and three offers for a Pediatrician, FPOB and ER Physician a long with three phone interviews but it wasn't too bad.  Could it have helped that I told myself before walking in that I would not let the craziness that is my work life get me down?  Could it have helped that I prayed on my way to work and asked God for help and support to get through my first day back after almost a week off?  I had worked part of the day Thursday and Friday but it was really just to keep up with messages and positions so I wouldn't be so overwhelmed today.  I didn't leave work until 5:15 but it wasn't a bad thing, traffic was even lighter today than usual.

After work I picked up Bubba, my nine year old, from my parents and then headed home.  Chuy called to ask me what was for dinner.  I was kind of surprised cause usually the SIL has dinner done by the time I get home.  She was really tired from her weekend away so decided to hit the sack early and get some rest.  We ended up making Sloppy Joe sandwiches and fries. No, it wasn't the healthiest dinner but it sure scored quite a few points with the kiddos.  Bubba loves these messy sandwiches and little one, we call him BooBoo, loves the fries. It was nice to have the kitchen to ourselves and just share in the responsibility of making dinner.  I missed this part of our life and told Chuy.  He admitted that he liked us working together but he did not really like the "cooking" part.  I'll let him have that one.

After dinner I went to relax for a little while, I could feel a little irritation from my incision so decided to take some "feel good" pills and relax.  Bubba and I watched "Who's Still Standing" a little while and then Bubba and Booboo jumped into the shower.  I love to hear them play and get along and considering they are seven years apart they do get along well.  Bubba is a great Big Brother, he has to be cause after all Booboo is not like him at all.  Bubba is 9 going on 40, he has such an old soul; often so serious and patient.  Where Booboo is full of energy, never stops, is loud and does not know what patience is.  It's amazing how different they are but it's more amazing how much they love each other.

So I didn't eat too well today.  Not because I didn't want to but because I ended up going out to run errands with the gals for lunch and we stopped at McDonald's.  I ended up having a cheeseburger, fries and an orange drink.  It wasn't as healthy as the Lean Cuisine meal I had taken to eat for lunch but it was not as bad as it could have been.  I only ate half the small fries cause I shared with my coworker (remember the person I talked about that says she can't eat when she's stressed).  Tomorrow has to be better and I will make sure it is.  I have to bask in the blessings I had today; the time with the love of my life and my kiddos and the fact that I had a no stress work day.  God, if you're listening I could use more of these days and in case I forget, thanks for today.

Back on Track

Tomorrow is Monday.  It will be one week tomorrow that I had my surgery.  Unfortunately, I can not do anything strenuous for at least 3 or 4 more weeks but at least I can start watching what I eat again.  I didn't track my food or exercise at all last week on Loseit.com and honestly I haven't even stepped on the scale in a week.  I'm afraid too.  I didn't eat a lot but I didn't eat well last week.  I have to refocus my energy and recommit to getting back on track.

I still have a goal to lose at least 20 lbs by June, that means at least losing 4 lbs per month.  That's feasible when you look at it that way, it honestly looks almost attainable that way.  Maybe I just need to break every goal I have down like that so it will be easier to see they can be accomplished. It's all about baby bites right?

Didn't Win the Lottery, whatcha gonna do?

We buy lottery tickets pretty often.  Why?  Because you won't win if you don't play.  Seriously, it's true.  And I think it's just something to look forward to and dream about.

What would you do if you won the lottery?  I already have my list.  Check it out.

1. Pay off all my debt.  Remember this is quite a bit I'm thinking at least $250,000 to be clear.  (This includes my house and rental.)
2. Give to charity- first would be my church. Second to Joy Junction. 
3. Pay off debt of my close family.  
4. Buy a big awesome new house.
5. Put money away for kids college
6. Open two accounts for kiddos for their future. 
7. Buy Chuy's Mom a new house or build a new one.

That's about it.  I think I'd really focus on helping others if I had anything left.  I keep telling Chuy all we need is enough to pay off our bills.  Then I could quit my job, take care of my kids full time and spend my day with them and creating more content for this blog.  Wishful thinking I know, I just figure dreams are free.

One Creditor Paid Off

Remember I posted a while back about the fact that I was in debt?  Well good news, I paid off a creditor.  It took a while but with the help of CareOne I was able to get it paid off.  I can now move that money I would pay to that creditor to Capital One.  I've still got over $4,000 on this card but it sure is better than the $8,000 I had last year.  My plan is to add a little more every month to the CareOne program to get Cap One paid off as soon as possible.  I am hoping if I get a large return it will take a big chunk out of that debt.

I am not going to stress about my student loans right now, I have made the minimum payments and decided to use what I have to pay down the high interest debt.  I will get working on them as soon as we get the truck paid off.  We'll see how things work out.  Wedding/travel plans will just have to wait, I would prefer to go on a debt free vacation then to get more into debt to travel. 

I've learned that if I can not afford something I do not buy it.  It's not easy because there are things I want but I don't have to have them.  I have also learned that it is important to teach my kids to be responsible about money.  My parents tried and I chose to ignore their advice and warnings.  My parents have no debt and have their house almost paid off and are fairly set.  They do not struggle even after retirement and I know it's because they were always smart with their financial life.

Blogging is Therapy

Is it funny that I find this blog almost cathartic and a sort of therapy?  I had vented about my SIL, (who currently  lives with us to help take care of our two year old), about the fact that she pissed me off yesterday.  Honestly, I am so glad I had the opportunity to share my feelings here with no judgement.  I learned that we all have situations that are not ideal and that we can vent about them but we can't let them get us down.  We have to deal with them head on and move on. I realize this is not easy when you are dealing with family but it does not mean you have to lie down and take crap too. I love Chuy and I love my SIL but in order to allow these relationships to stay intact it is up to me to create solutions that help us all.

Here is my plan:

1. Secure another individual (not related) to assist with daycare
2. Be prepared to not like what is currently going on but learn to be open and communicate for the sake of our family.
3. Do not let other people into our relationship or allow them to get into our relationship.
4. Be appreciativee of SIL's help and support and tell her so.
5. Include her and solicit her feedback in selecting daycare, she's been responsible for this for sometime she will have some insight we might not.
6. Enjoy my home and family again.

This is just a plan that will hopefully allow enough emotional maturity to get things resolved and back to good. 

Feel Better Today

I feel better today.  Chuy and I argued last night but we got things straightened out.  I do not like selfish people that lie and I told him straight out I will not deal with it.  He understood and also saw that I was just sharing what I felt and didn't like the situation.  He learned she lied and is doing something about it. I made a commitment to get the daycare situation ironed out.  I am not going to be taken advantage of or have to be at the mercy of someone else.  I still need to have a relationship with her as family and will not allow this situation to mess this up. 

I am feeling better but not 100% yet from the surgery.  I can tell that I am ready to get out but not excited to go back to work.  Work sucks.  Seriously.

I was talking to a friend yesterday about work and the fact that I am not doing what I love.  I used to love recruiting, when I was actually recruiting.  Now I am just doing tons of administrative work.  It's not fun, I often disagree with hiring decisions but when things go wrong I am the one to get thrown under the bus.  I used to be a phenomenal sourcing recruiter.  I haven't sourced in so long I don't even know if I could.  I've had my hands tied for so long that I honestly feel like I am incompetent now.  I think my job is all about CYA these days and not about doing what is right and good for the company. 

We can't afford for me to quit so I have to just swallow it and hope it might get better.  Just reminds me of how important it is to get out of the debt that we are in.  I'm working on it and I will get it out of my way.  I will find a way to be happy again.

Seriously? Are you kidding me?

I am seriously irritated. I just had surgery and my fiancee's sister tells me that their Brother and Sister in law are going to come over for a fish fry.  What is wrong with these people? I just had surgery and do not want company or gross stinky fried fish. Why would this be ok and she says they invited themselves.

I have to figure out how to get the daycare situation taken care of. I can't do this any more. I need my life back. I need my house back. I feel the depression starting again. I am ready to scream. Seriously, I want to chew someone's head off and at the same time I want to cry.

Weight Gain

I shouldn't be frustrated but I am.  I gained weight over the last two weeks, I know most of it had to be this week because I have not exercised at all this week.  I know I shouldn't feel bad cause i just had surgery but it's frustrating to get on the scale and see the gain.  I know once I am fully recovered I will focus on exercising and eating better again but it's just frustrating to know my hard work when down the tubes. 

Anyone else have something they want to vent about?  Feel free to comment here.

Post surgery

Day two post surgery. I am feeling ok although am really irritated by the fact that my fiancee is not pulling his weight. I had surgery yesterday and instead of making sure I had help he went to the casino said "He was feeling it." WTF is that exactly? He felt it was acceptable to go have drinks and gamble when I just had surgery and we have a two year old. I am so angry right now, I just want to smack him. He said he knew his Sister was here to help and he won $200 so I should be happy. Whatever. He can be so inconsiderate and selfish. 

Got through surgery

My surgery went well on Monday.  I had to be at the hospital at 6:30am, surgery was not until 8:30am but it went fast.  I had to wear a catheter for two days which I think was the worst part but so far I am doing ok.  I have had to take just a few pain meds which means I am managing the pain really well.  I have been sleeping a lot which I was told is normal, it takes a lot of energy to get moving.  My stomach muscles feel a little tight too, I'm thinking because I'm trying to heal.  Doc says I can not lift more than a gallon of milk, that's kind of hard cause I forget.  I am just not doing much at all so I don't risk lifting and hurting myself. 

Mom picked me up from the hospital Monday, she was there through the surgery and helped me get settled at home.  I slept most of the afternoon on Monday and then couldn't sleep that night. 

I am glad I had the surgery, I will just be very happy when I no longer have to worry about having an embarrassing moment.  Exercise is so hard these days, so I haven't been able to really focus on weight loss.  I am hoping this surgery will help and I will start to feel better about myself too.  Nothing is worse than being under 40 and feeling like an old lady wearing depends.  Yuck, that is not attractive at all.  My self confidence has really hit a low because of this issue so hopefully I will get back to being me soon.

Having Surgery Monday

I'll be having surgery Monday.  I'm not excited about the surgery in fact I'm kind of embarassed that I'm not even 40 yet and have to have this surgery.  I will be having a transvaginal tape to help with my incontinence issues.  It has gotten worse over the last year and it's really hindered my ability to exercise so I went to see a specialist and he said that I should have one.  So I go in Monday to have surgery.  It's just a quick day surgery, he says no longer than 45 minutes, but I'll have to refrain from doing anything strenuous for 4-6 weeks.  I'll post more about this as it happens.

I am hoping that after I recover I'll be able to exercise more and not have to worry about leakage.  Again, I know this is embarrassing but I'm sure I'm not the only person out there dealing with this issue.

In Debt and It Sucks

I hate being a slave to debt.  The problem is I have always had debt.  My biggest debt right now is my student loans.  I am tackling my credit card debt, one little bite at a time and honestly it's paid off.  Last year at this time I had over $7,000 in credit card debt.  I have decreased that amount considerably with the help of Care One.  I didn't want to use a debt management program but I couldn't manage getting the debt paid on my own because the payments I had made before were just to the interest.  I was never ever paying down any of the principal so I called Care One after reading several blogs and on Twitter about how they help others.

Yes, being in a debt management program will effect my credit negatively but I had already damaged my credit by only paying the minimum.  So I've bit a pretty big chunk and am hoping to get the last credit card paid off by this time next year.  My next step will be tackling the student loan debt.  The balance is enough to buy a fabulous car so my goal is to pay it off so I can start socking that money on to my mortgage.  I have several years before I can retire but when I retire I'd like to have as little bills as possible.  I also want to be able to help my kids when they go to school instead of getting them stuck in student loans the way I had to.
I will track my debts and what I pay off here.  If you want to get help and get out of debt contact Care One today.

Update on 90 Day Challenge

I'm doing pretty good on my challenge.  So far I've dropped a few pounds down to 172.8 this week.  I have been tracking all of my food/calories and exercises in the LoseIt App and have been exercising regularly.  I feel good although today I have a considerable amount of soreness in my tummy.  The Slim i& 6 Pack seems to be working.  I just hope I can continue this pace now that I go back to work.  Any suggestions? The weather is getting pretty icky right now so I'm thinking that I might have to figure out something else to do during my lunches to get moving.

So I borrowed my neighbors Wii Fit this weekend and we all had a blast with it.  I found someone selling it on Craigslist with the Zumba Fitness included for $80, normally would be $169 so I'm going for it.  I'll meet the lady tomorrow to buy it.  I'm pretty excited cause I like doing the Zumba classes.  Let's hope it is worth the money.  Oh I also borrowed her my neighbors Turbo Jam DVD and so far am liking it.  I did that for about 25 minutes today and was really sweating.  It's not as fun as HipHop Abs but it's still good.  I like to have some variety.

90 Day Challenge

I'm starting a 90 day challenge tomorrow.  My friend Laura is a Beachbody Coach so I'm joining her challenge, she will help to motivate and inspire me to lose the weight I need to over the next 90 days.  As I said in my New Years Resolution post, my goal is to lose weight.  Thirty pounds (30) to be exact by June.  That should be feasible, that is only 5 lbs per month.  I didn't want to make my goal something that would not be feasible.  I figured this would work.  I know I won't be able to lose all of that in the 90 days but I can at least do half of that within the 90 challenge.

Wish me luck!